Sun­kią vai­kys­tę iš­gy­ve­nu­si aly­tiš­kė: „Iš klyst­ke­lių ma­ne iš­gel­bė­jo duk­ra” (6149)

Laura BALIUKONIENĖ, laura@ana.lt
2019-05-24
Kamilė
Sudėtinga ir nesaugi vaikystė buvo viena priežasčių, lėmusių alytiškės Kamilės kritimą į dugną, iš kurio pakilti ją paskatino po širdimi užsimezgusi gyvybė. Šiandien ji – puiki mama savo trejų metukų dukrytei, perspektyvų karjeros srityje aktyviai siekianti moteris, o jos istorija gali įkvėpti kitus.  Zi­tos Stan­ke­vi­čie­nės nuotr.  
Tai daug skau­džių gy­ve­ni­mo smū­gių vai­kys­tė­je pa­ty­ru­sios jau­nos mo­ters is­to­ri­ja. Ne­sau­gi vai­kys­tė, kai te­ko pa­lik­ti mo­ti­nos na­mus, gy­ven­ti glo­bos na­muo­se, o vė­liau iš vie­nų žiau­riai smur­ta­vu­sių glo­bė­jų ran­kų ke­liau­ti į ki­tų, pa­aug­lys­tė­je pa­tir­tas sek­su­a­li­nis prie­ka­bia­vi­mas, dar­bas už­sie­ny­je, vė­liau iš­ban­dy­ti nar­ko­ti­kai... Ir ga­liau­siai – ne­ti­kė­ta, gy­ve­ni­mą aukš­tyn ko­jo­mis ap­ver­tu­si ži­nia, kad po šir­di­mi už­si­mez­gė nau­ja gy­vy­bė. Šian­dien Ka­mi­lės (var­das pa­keis­tas) gy­ve­ni­mas klos­to­si vi­sai ki­taip – ji gy­ve­na Aly­tu­je jau­kiai įreng­ta­me so­cia­li­nia­me būs­te, tu­ri pa­ti­ki­mą dar­bą vals­ty­bi­nė­je įstai­go­je, jos lau­kia iš­tęs­ti­nės stu­di­jos aukš­to­jo­je mo­kyk­lo­je, o svar­biau­sia – ša­lia au­ga svei­ka ir gra­ži tre­jų me­tu­kų duk­ry­tė. „Jei­gu ne ji, tur­būt te­be­bū­čiau kaž­kur klyst­ke­ly­je“, – sa­kė 26-erių ma­ma, ku­riai, kai la­biau­siai rei­kė­jo, pa­gal­bos ran­ką iš­tie­sė ir vai­ko tei­sių spe­cia­lis­tai.

Glo­bė­jai su­ren­gė eg­ze­ku­ci­ją

Ka­mi­lė bu­vo vie­na iš tų vai­kų, ku­rie ne­ži­no­jo, ką reiš­kia sau­gi, gra­ži ir ne­rū­pes­tin­ga vai­kys­tė. Pir­muo­sius sa­vo gy­ve­ni­mo me­tus ji au­go su tau­re­lę pa­ki­lo­ti mėgs­tan­čia ma­ma, kol kar­tą į jų na­mus at­va­žia­vo vai­ko tei­sių ap­sau­gos spe­cia­lis­tai ir ją iš­si­ve­žė.

„Vis­ką pri­si­me­nu pui­kiai, nors bu­vau dar vi­sai ma­žy­tė – vos ke­lių me­tu­kų mer­gai­tė, tu­rė­ju­si pra­dė­ti lan­ky­ti pir­mą kla­sę. Į na­mus Aly­taus ra­jo­ne at­va­žia­vo vai­ko tei­sių spe­cia­lis­tai, pa­ė­mė ma­ne ir nu­ve­žė į vai­kų na­mus. Pa­me­nu, man ten la­bai pa­ti­ko, bu­vo daug vai­kų, nie­kas ne­tvar­ky­ta, bu­vo taip sma­gu“, – pri­si­mi­ni­mais da­li­jo­si mo­te­ris.

Kiek vė­liau ją iš glo­bos na­mų glo­bo­ti pa­si­ė­mė mo­te­ris, pas ku­rią au­go 4,5 me­tų. Šį lai­ko­tar­pį Ka­mi­lė pri­si­me­na su siau­bu aky­se, nes te­ko daug iš­ken­tė­ti. Pas glo­bė­ją iš anks­čiau gy­ve­no dar vie­na jau­nes­nė glo­bo­ti­nė.

„Ji mus abi la­bai muš­da­vo, o ypač ma­ne, nes ką pri­si­dirb­da­vo jau­nes­nio­ji, at­si­im­da­vau aš. Baus­mės bū­da­vo žiau­rios. Kai at­va­žiuo­da­vo vai­ko tei­sių spe­cia­lis­tai, mums bū­da­vo pri­gra­sin­ta apie tai nie­ko ne­sa­ky­ti ir tvir­tin­ti, kad čia gy­ven­ti ge­rai“, – keliolikos metų senumo įvykius pa­sa­ko­jo jau­na mo­te­ris.

Su moks­lais jai se­kė­si su­dė­tin­gai. Kaip ti­ki­no pa­ti Ka­mi­lė, jai trū­ko su­si­kau­pi­mo, bu­vo la­bai ak­ty­vi, daug me­luo­da­vo, dėl sa­vo el­ge­sio gau­da­vo pa­sta­bų.

Ji su siau­bu pri­si­me­na tą die­ną, kai grį­žo iš mo­kyk­los ir glo­bė­ja iš auk­lė­to­jos su­ži­no­jo apie gau­tą dve­je­tą. „Nuo kai­mo mo­kyk­los par­ei­ti rei­kė­da­vo apie 2 ki­lo­met­rus. Aš jau ti­kė­jau­si, kas ma­nęs lauks grį­žus, tad kol ėjau na­mo, su­mąs­čiau už­maz­gy­ti pal­to raiš­te­lius, kad ne­ga­lė­tų ma­nęs taip pa­pras­tai ir grei­tai iš­reng­ti tam, kad pri­lup­tų. Glo­bė­ja pa­si­ti­ko grįž­tan­čią ir iš kar­to ėmė plūsti, ne­pra­šė jo­kio pa­aiš­ki­ni­mo, ko­dėl ga­vau dve­je­tą. Ji ma­ne čiu­po ir pra­dė­jo tal­žy­ti žars­tek­liu. Glo­bė­jos vy­ras už­li­po man ant nu­ga­ros, ėmiau rėk­ti, kad dūs­tu. Ga­liau­siai man pri­trū­ko oro, iš­se­ko jė­gos, ne­ga­lė­jau prie­šin­tis ir jau­čiau, kaip pra­ras­di­nė­jau są­mo­nę, o glo­bė­ja vis tiek to­liau tal­žė. Man ki­šo pirš­tus į bur­ną, dras­kė. To­kia eg­ze­ku­ci­ja tę­sė­si ke­lias va­lan­das, gu­lė­jau ant že­mės, jau net gal­vos ne­pa­kė­liau, ne­be­įsten­giau dau­giau kal­bė­ti, dra­bu­žiai bu­vo kru­vi­ni, ta­čiau jie ne­si­lio­vė. Jau­nes­nei glo­bo­ti­nei lie­pė vi­sa tai ste­bė­ti, kad pa­si­mo­ky­tų ir ži­no­tų, jog ir jai tai ga­li grės­ti. Pa­si­bai­gus eg­ze­ku­ci­jai, man dar lie­pė sto­tis ir ei­ti ruoš­ti pa­mo­kas“, – žiau­riais pri­si­mi­ni­mais da­li­jo­si Ka­mi­lė.

Ji pa­sa­ko­jo, kad prieš mie­gą glo­bė­ja kū­ną iš­te­pė kaž­ko­kiu kre­mu, su­gir­dė be­ne pu­sę bu­te­liu­ko va­le­ri­jo­no, kad nu­rim­tų, ir pri­gra­si­no mo­kyk­lo­je nie­kam ne­ro­dy­ti krau­jos­ru­vų, nes jei kas nors pa­ma­tys, tai per Ka­lė­das ne­gaus do­va­nų ir ne­gy­vens jos na­muo­se. Ta­čiau mo­ky­to­jai pa­ste­bė­jo pa­si­kei­tu­sį Ka­mi­lės el­ge­sį, apa­tiš­ku­mą, ne­no­rą ką nors da­ry­ti ir nu­ve­dė ją pas mo­kyk­los di­rek­to­rę.

Bi­jo­jo pa­pa­sa­ko­ti mo­kyk­lo­je

„La­bai bi­jo­jau pra­si­tar­ti, kas at­si­ti­ko, ir ty­lė­jau kaip že­mė, nes bi­jo­jau, kad vėl pri­muš. Di­rek­to­rė lie­pė nu­si­reng­ti gol­fą, o aš ne­su­ti­kau ir pra­dė­jau verk­ti. Ta­da vis tiek ma­ne nu­ren­gė ir pa­ma­tė žaiz­do­mis ir krau­jos­ru­vo­mis nu­sė­tą kū­ną. Auk­lė­to­ja iš kar­to pra­dė­jo verk­ti, iš­kvie­tė vai­ko tei­sių spe­cia­lis­tus, at­vy­ko po­li­ci­ja. Aš dar prie­ši­nau­si, sa­kiau, kad ne­no­riu nie­kur va­žiuo­ti, kad čia nie­ko ne­bu­vo, kad ne­rei­kia, nes ma­ne vėl pri­muš. Ma­ne iš­ve­žė į li­go­ni­nę, pas­kui į vai­kų na­mus. Man da­rė eks­per­ti­zę, nu­sta­tė dau­gy­bę smū­gių į įvai­rias kū­no vie­tas. Glo­bė­jos vy­ras po vi­so to bu­vo at­va­žia­vęs ma­nęs ap­lan­ky­ti, bet la­bai jo bi­jo­jau. Jis prie ma­nęs prie­ka­biau­da­vo, bu­vau jau pa­aug­lė, o ei­da­vo su ma­ni­mi į vo­nią ir mau­dy­da­vo, lįs­da­vo prie ma­nęs. Tuo me­tu ne­su­pra­tau, kad tai ne­nor­ma­lu. Jis at­ve­žė man dra­bu­žių, sal­du­my­nų. Vi­suo­se su­si­ti­ki­muo­se su glo­bė­jais da­ly­va­vo spe­cia­lis­tai, po­li­ci­jos pa­rei­gū­nai, o ma­ne glo­bo­ju­sią mo­te­rį pa­ma­čiau tik pa­si­bai­gus teis­mams“, – at­vi­ra­vo jau­na mo­te­ris.

Be ki­tų glo­bė­jams skir­tų baus­mių, Ka­mi­lei bu­vo pri­teis­ta at­ly­gin­ti ir mo­ra­li­nę ža­lą, ta­čiau, pa­sak pa­šne­ko­vės, ta­da jai ne­rū­pė­jo jo­kie pi­ni­gai ir at­ly­gi­ni­mai, nes pa­da­ry­ta ža­la lie­ka vi­sam gy­ve­ni­mui.

„Da­bar aš jau su­au­gu­si. Ži­nau, kur jie gy­ve­na. Gal­būt no­rė­tų­si nu­va­žiuo­ti pas juos ir daug ką pa­sa­ky­ti“, – tei­gė aly­tiš­kė.

Už­sie­ny­je nu­kri­to į dug­ną

Ku­rį lai­ką pra­lei­du­si glo­bos na­muo­se, Ka­mi­lė vėl pa­te­ko į ki­tų glo­bė­jų ran­kas. Pri­si­pa­ži­no la­bai bi­jo­ju­si ir jų, kad is­to­ri­ja ne­pa­si­kar­to­tų, ta­čiau šie la­bai at­sar­giai sten­gė­si įgy­ti glo­bo­ti­nės pa­si­ti­kė­ji­mą, ją pa­svei­kin­da­vo per gim­ta­die­nį, ki­tas pro­gas, par­si­vež­da­vo į sa­vo na­mus sa­vait­ga­liais, per šven­tes ar atos­to­gas.

Ka­mi­lė pa­sa­ko­jo, kad nau­jie­ji glo­bė­jai ją la­bai le­pi­no ir rū­pi­no­si, iš­mo­kė ne­me­luo­ti. Su­lau­ku­si sep­ty­nio­li­kos, mer­gi­na per­si­kė­lė mo­ky­tis į Kau­no pro­fe­si­nę mo­kyk­lą, ji tar­si nu­trū­ko nuo gran­di­nės ir pa­ju­to lais­vę, lyg bū­tų iš­si­lais­vi­nu­si nuo glo­bė­jų kon­tro­lės.

Vė­liau ry­šiai su glo­bė­jais nu­trū­ko, kai mer­gi­na iš­vy­ko į Ai­ri­ją. „Gy­ven­da­ma ten, nu­kri­tau į dug­ną. Gy­ve­nau lais­vą gy­ve­ni­mą, pa­ban­džiau nar­ko­ti­kų, ša­lia bu­vo to­kie pat drau­gai, įvai­rios kom­pa­ni­jos. Kai su­ži­no­jau, kad lau­kiuo­si, su­pra­tau, kad tu­riu su­sto­ti ir su­im­ti sa­ve į ran­kas. Ma­ny­je už­si­mez­gu­si gy­vy­bė bu­vo iš­si­gel­bė­ji­mas nuo dug­no, į ku­rį gar­mė­jau vi­su grei­čiu. Ma­ne ra­gi­no su­sto­ti ir ma­no drau­gas, vai­ko tė­vas. Grį­žau gy­ven­ti į Lie­tu­vą pas ma­mą, čia pa­gim­džiau ir sa­vo vai­ką“, – pa­sa­ko­jo Ka­mi­lė. 

Ta­da ji gy­ve­no mo­ti­nos būs­te, o pa­ti gim­dy­to­ja iki šiol gy­ve­na sa­vo vy­ro na­muo­se. Ka­mi­lė ta­da tu­rė­jo ir fi­nan­si­nių sun­ku­mų, nes ne­gau­da­vo jo­kių pa­ja­mų, o su mer­gy­tės tė­vu ku­rį lai­ką ry­šiai bu­vo nu­trū­kę. Da­bar jie vėl ben­drau­ja, jis ne­se­niai grį­žo iš už­sie­nio gy­ven­ti Lietuvoje.

Sva­jo­jo apie ra­my­bę ir sa­vo kam­pą

Kaip pa­sa­ko­jo pa­šne­ko­vė, gy­ve­nant mo­ti­nos būs­te, ją pra­dė­jo er­zin­ti nuo­la­ti­nis gim­dy­to­jos ki­ši­ma­sis į gy­ve­ni­mą, o Ka­mi­lei no­rė­jo­si ra­my­bės. Mo­ti­na vis lan­ky­da­vo­si pas duk­rą ne­blai­vi, bute or­ga­ni­zuo­da­vo links­my­bes. Jai bu­vo ne­svar­bu, kad ten au­ga ir ma­žy­lė.

Kar­tą ne­ap­si­ken­tu­si mo­ti­nos gir­ta­vi­mų, su vos tri­jų sa­vai­čių duk­re­le Ka­mi­lė nu­spren­dė iš­ei­ti per­nak­vo­ti pas drau­gę, kur sa­vo ma­žy­lei ga­lė­jo už­tik­rin­ti sau­gią ap­lin­ką. Ta­čiau vi­siš­kai gir­ta mo­ti­na, ne­no­rė­da­ma iš­leis­ti, pa­skam­bi­no pa­gal­bos te­le­fo­nu ir pra­ne­šė ne­va jos po­gim­dy­vi­ne dep­re­si­ja ser­gan­ti duk­ra kė­si­na­si iš­šok­ti pro lan­gą. Su­va­žia­vo tar­ny­bos, te­ko aiš­kin­tis pa­rei­gū­nams, kad nie­ko pa­na­šaus ne­bu­vo. Ga­liau­siai ji su kū­di­kiu bu­vo pa­ly­dė­ta iki drau­gės na­mų.

Ka­mi­lė iki šiol pa­lai­ko ry­šius su sa­vo mo­ti­na, ku­ri vė­liau su­si­lau­kė dar vie­nos duk­ros. Da­bar se­suo jau pa­aug­lė. Jau­na mo­te­ris sa­vo gim­dy­to­jos klau­sė, ko­dėl ne­si­sten­gė su­sig­rą­žin­ti sa­vo at­im­tos duk­ros, ta­čiau su­lau­kė at­sa­ky­mo, kad ir jai ta­da bu­vo sun­ku, ta­čiau dėl to­kios su­si­klos­čiu­sios si­tu­a­ci­jos nie­ka­da ne­at­gai­la­vo.

„Ji yra toks žmo­gus, ku­ris nie­ka­da ne­pri­pa­žins kly­dęs. Net man pa­te­kus į glo­bos na­mus, lan­ky­da­vo la­bai re­tai. Nuos­kau­dą jau­čiu iki šiol, nes vi­suo­met dėl vis­ko kal­tę su­ver­čia man. Ne­pai­sant to, kad ji ma­ne au­gi­no trum­pai, nuo­lat ki­ša­si į ma­no gy­ve­ni­mą, ban­do kon­tro­liuo­ti, aiš­kin­ti, kaip tu­riu gy­ven­ti. Ta­čiau sa­ko­ma, kad rei­kia at­leis­ti ir san­ty­kiai pa­ge­rės“, – tei­gė pa­šne­ko­vė.

Pa­klaus­ta apie sa­vo pa­čios tė­vą, Ka­mi­lė tvir­ti­no ne­ži­nan­ti, kur jis ir ar iš vi­so dar yra gy­vas.

Aly­tiš­kė pa­me­na, kad tas lai­ko­tar­pis, kai gy­ve­no mo­ti­nos būs­te, bu­vo la­bai sun­kus. Ji tik sva­jo­jo apie ra­mų sa­vo pa­čios kam­pą. Po tų įvy­kių, kai ne­blai­vi mo­ti­na iš­kvie­tė tar­ny­bas, Ka­mi­lė iš­si­kraus­tė iš mo­ti­nos būs­to, pa­gal­bos krei­pė­si į spe­cia­lis­tus, kad pa­dė­tų su­si­ras­ti gy­ve­na­mą vie­tą. Ga­liau­siai su­ti­ko ap­si­gy­ven­ti Kri­zių cen­tre, nes bi­jo­jo, kad ne­at­im­tų duk­ros.

„Pri­ėmiau vi­są man siū­lo­mą pa­gal­bą ir pa­ti jos ak­ty­viai ieš­ko­jau, ko ne­ži­no­da­vau, klaus­da­vau, do­mė­jau­si ir vi­suo­met sa­vo pro­ble­mas iš­si­spręs­da­vau. Man daug pa­dė­jo ir ap­lin­ki­niai žmo­nės, nes ma­tė, kaip sten­giuo­si. Už­si­re­gist­ra­vau į ei­lę, kad gau­čiau so­cia­li­nį būs­tą. Ga­lė­jau pa­si­rink­ti iš de­šim­ties va­rian­tų, bet kai pa­ma­čiau vie­ną jų, su­pra­tau, kad ne­no­riu jo­kio ki­to. Jis – toks jau­kus, su­re­mon­tuo­tas“, – džiū­ga­vo mo­te­ris.

No­ri įkvėp­ti ki­tus

Jai pa­vy­ko su­si­tvar­ky­ti sa­vo gy­ve­ni­mą, duk­rą pra­dė­jo ves­ti į dar­že­lį, o ta­da ėmė gal­vo­ti apie dar­bą. Pro­fe­si­nė­je mo­kyk­lo­je bai­gė siu­vė­jos spe­cia­ly­bę, o vė­liau pa­gal ją įsi­dar­bi­no. Šiuo me­tu aly­tiš­kė dir­ba vals­ty­bi­nė­je įstai­go­je. Nuo ru­dens jos lau­kia ki­no­lo­gi­jos stu­di­jos Lie­tu­vos svei­ka­tos moks­lų uni­ver­si­te­te. Šiuo me­tu ji lan­ko vai­ra­vi­mo kur­sus.

„Da­bar­ti­nis ma­no dar­bas taip pat ver­čia pa­si­temp­ti, į gy­ve­ni­mą žiū­rė­ti la­bai rim­tai ir at­sa­kin­gai. Ta­čiau ne­ap­si­ri­bo­ju tik tuo, ką jau pa­sie­kiau. No­ri­si ei­ti to­liau, ne­no­riu bū­ti tik vi­du­ti­ny­bė“, – at­vi­ra­vo mo­te­ris.

Ka­mi­lė ap­si­lan­ko ir Kri­zių cen­tre, nes no­ri ten gy­ve­nan­čioms mo­te­rims pa­dė­ti, mo­ty­vuo­ti, kad tik­rai ga­li­ma su­si­tvar­ky­ti sa­vo gy­ve­ni­mą, joms ati­duo­da iš­aug­tus duk­ros dra­bu­žius: „Tik rei­kia vi­so to no­rė­ti ir ne­nu­leis­ti ran­kų, kreip­tis pa­gal­bos ir ben­dra­dar­biau­ti su spe­cia­lis­tais. Esu įsi­ti­ki­nu­si, kad jei­gu žmo­gus ne­tu­ri sti­mu­lo steng­tis, tai ga­li su­kvies­ti kad ir vi­sus spe­cia­lis­tus, ta­čiau re­zul­ta­tų ne­bus. Aš ti­kiu, kad ma­no is­to­ri­ja kaž­ką ga­li įkvėp­ti keis­ti sa­vo gy­ve­ni­mą ge­ra lin­kme.“

 

   Sudėtinga ir nesaugi vaikystė buvo viena priežasčių, lėmusių alytiškės Kamilės kritimą į dugną, iš kurio pakilti ją paskatino po širdimi užsimezgusi gyvybė. Šiandien ji – puiki mama savo trejų metukų dukrytei, perspektyvų karjeros srityje aktyviai siekianti moteris, o jos istorija gali įkvėpti kitus.  Zi­tos Stan­ke­vi­čie­nės nuotr.

 

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